Giant Dwarf vs. the Sandman

Okay, for starters, I've been sick for a week. Not the flu, but a really bad cold (worse than usual, I swear) that knocked me on my ass for several days. After 2 and half days off of work and two more scheduled days off, I decided to go back to work. The night before, I was plagued by what can only be called nightmares in my dream oeuvre, but of course I can't remember any of them right now. Suffice it to say, I slept like crap. I went to work hoping for a slow day only to find my hopes were immediately dashed by what might have been one of the worst days ever at work. After dealing with a family of a young woman who died too young (and for no apparent reason), 2 homeless people (one being almost 600 pounds), a psychotic woman and her child, and a baby who decided to pull herself up on the heating grate, I was finally able to go home only an hour early. Mind you, I'm still sick, my head is pounding, I'm slightly nauseous, AND I didn't even get to have a lunch during any of that. So I went home, had a quick meal, and went to bed.

That night I slept fitfully for two hours until I decided to pursue better sleeping through chemistry (thank you, big pharma) and then slept, gasp!, 10 more hours. It was glorious. I woke up refreshed, feeling healthier and went to work. I then was blessed with a not-so-difficult day. Regardless, I'm still coughing a storm and my whole workplace steps about ten feet back whenever I have a fit. I'm not 100% yet, but getting there.

So, I head home last night, watch a DVD and get a few things done. I go to bed at 12:30, a bit later than I wanted to, but still with enough time to get a full night's sleep. I wake up at 1:30. I wake up at 3:30. I hear a beep. A loud beep. I go back to sleep. I wake up at 5:30! WTF?! Seriously?! What is going on? Why am I cult-sleeping? And then.....

BEEP!

BEEP!

Then no beep. Then some time passes and I can't fall asleep.

BEEP! BEEP!

My smoke alarm is letting me know, at 5:30 in the morning, that it wants a new battery. My smoke alarm never runs out of batteries at any other time but very late at night or early in the morning. Just replace the battery, you say!

Oh, I would if I could. But.....the alarm is on the ceiling and, even with my handydandy stepstool, I CAN'T REACH IT! A. is not available, so this really sucks balls. I keep trying to fall asleep, but now that is completely impossible. At 6 am, I start frantically texting people who I think might be awake: a couple of colleagues who come into work early, my 6' friend with the erratic schedule, my friend R. who lives nearby, even the security guard at work (I live closeby). This is just ridiculous. Talk about depending on the kindness of strangers!

R. actually texted me back and said he would come as soon as he can. As I'm waiting for him, I write this blog because, as you can probably already guess, I CANNOT FALL BACK ASLEEP.

Oh, and I haven't heard a beep since 6 am.