I have very complicated relationships with gyms. It is rare that I don't step into a gym and instantly have a feeling of hatred and repulsion. I'm not sure why, but let's look at the evidence (and there's a lot, so bear with me 'til you get to the end and you will be rewarded....I hope).
When I was a kid, there was gym class. As the second smallest person in my class who was, at that time, very underweight (yeah, that ship sailed in 1981), gym was nothing short of torture. I wasn't athletic, I didn't run, and I didn't do gymnastics (the only girl sport that our two male gym teachers respected). I got confused learning the rules of games and was invariably one of the last people to be picked during the dreaded team-picking ritual that non-athletic children are subjected to.
I did dance though. I took ballet, tap and jazz, two years of each at most while I was in elementary and middle schools. But choreography was also a challenge for me. I was so obsessed with getting the steps right that the fun of the whole class just got sucked right out.
During this time, my parents joined the JYC in Northeast Philly. I took swim lessons there and played raquetball with my dad. I think that was the extent of my gym usage there. I liked racquetball, but I think my father preferred playing with adult opponents. I can't imagine why.
My dad and I also tried jogging once.
ONCE.
We moved to Phoenix, and I took a ballet class for three months before I dislocated my knee at a jock party I shouldn't have gone to; thus began an almost 30-year history of repeated injuries to that knee that put another nail in the gym coffin for me. (Good news: I finally had surgery for this rogue knee five years ago. The bad news: now the rest of my body hurts for being forced to compensate for said knee during all those years.)
I went to college in Massachusetts at a school that touted it's state-of-the-art gymnasium; it was even part of the tour for this school full of egghead women. I never stepped foot in there except for our first year, when we were required to pass a fire rope test. (What's THAT?, you ask. It was the one thing that intimidated all of the non-athletic girls who were hoping to avoid that gym for four years.) Oh, and I think we also had to go there to sign up for our phone plans....back when you had to buy your own phone for your dorm room and open an account with New England Bell (I'm pretty sure I've lost all the millennials by now).
In any case, I did avoid the fancy state-of-the-art gym at college. I did, however, take dance classes, which, in a strange turn of events, counted toward my theatre major and allowed me to graduate with more credits than I needed AND take only three classes the last semester of my senior year. Interestingly enough, my second knee injury happened during that second senior semester....in dance class.
I graduated from college and was instantly poor, so joining a gym wasn't even a passing thought in my mind. Paying rent and buying enough Lunchables and TopRamen to get me through the week were my priorities.
Eventually, though, in my late 20s, I joined the Berkeley YMCA. I liked it. I'm not sure why I terminated my membership but the only reason that would make any sense is because I STOPPED GOING. Yeah, that's what tends to happen.
However, I did have one year (1997) when I was a bona fide Gym Rat. Seriously. I was working only three days a week and I had joined a gym in Emeryville called Every Woman's Gym. I just looked it up....it's gone now, probably because rent is now at San Francisco rates in Emeryville (back in the '90s, Emeryville was kind of a dump so rents were cheap and businesses were catching on by the time I left the Bay Area). In any case, I LOVED THAT PLACE. I would hang out there for three hours at least, working out and then using the sauna and the shower. It was awesome and I was in the best shape of my life.
I took some of the habits with me when I moved to LA and joined LA Woman on the Westside. It was perfect because it was on the way to and from my internship and I got this sweet student rate that made the monthly payments only $15. My first year was great, despite a bout of tinnea that I got from not changing out of my workout clothes fast enough (the showers were not as nice as Every Woman's Gym), but then my schedule got all janky and that was that. I went intermittently.
LA Woman is now extinct (as is that ridiculously low monthly fee). Since then, I've joined a few gyms, then cancelled my membership. I've also worked with quite a few trainers, and my learned opinion about most of them is that they're full of shit (but not Chappell....she was/is the best ever trainer! She just moved out of my area....). My last gym was near work and, while I was okay there for a few years, the last year was horrible. I literally would walk into that gym and seethe with hatred. There was a bad vibe. I don't know what it was, but I HATED being there and finally just terminated my membership.
I tried joining the YWCA, just around the corner from me, but I almost passed out during a Zumba for Seniors class, and the opportunities to work out on my own (i.e., machines) were limited to a tiny room with exactly one treadmill, one elliptical and one stationary bike (that didn't even work). You had to get a key to use the room and it was so small, only one person could comfortably work out in there. It wasn't working for me.
I went to take a look at my neighborhood 24-Hour Fitness facility. That seething hatred thing? It was immediate upon entry. And the hard sell only made it worse. The guy tried to make me sign up without even giving me a tour or giving me a trial pass. I had to ask him for both, which he grudgingly gave me. I already knew I hated this place though. I used a couple of machines then snuck out as fast as I could. 24-Hour Fitness stalked me for the following 6 months.
Two things have happened recently that have increased the urgency of joining a gym. I turned 40 (okay, not so recent, but I had this fantasy that my metabolism would return and then it didn't) and I married the Spazz. As some of you know from a very old, past post, the Spazz is a champion eater. And I have been heroically keeping up with him at the expense of my waistline and my overall self-esteem. (Full disclosure: as I am writing this, I am eating a bowl of pickle-flavored popcorn which is completely addictive.)
When I look for a gym, there are certain requirements that have to be met: be near my home (so I can go after work or on my days off) and not make me want to return to the location with artillery. The YMCA has just successfully fulfilled those two requirements.
OHMYGOD I LOVE THIS PLACE. Seriously. First they gave me a tour with NO hard sell. Thank you very much. Then it had all this cool stuff: a pool (!), basketball courts/gymnasium, lots of equipment (both aerobic and weight-training), classrooms, raquetball courts (it's ON, Dad!), a sauna and a steamroom, and a punching bag for my husband. Oh, and the best part? FREE PARKING. And all for the cheapest gym price that I've seen in LA.
But the BESTEST part of all? The people. 1) It's more diverse than I expected, which is totally fun. 2) I can wear whatever I want and no one judges me. 2a) No one bugs me. 3) There is a paucity of assholes (maybe that's 2b, but I think it's important enough to have it's own numeration). 4) There's a bunch of Russians and Russians at the gym is a great spectator sport. I don't know why, but they also make me feel at home in the locker room; maybe it's my Eastern European roots coming home to roost.
My new favorite person: an big, elderly lady who wears a leopard print bathing suit and pearlescent bathing cap, web gloves and fins, and swims backstroke laps in the pool below the aerobic machines. She topped the huge young man on the bike who was clearly suffering from some kind of Tourette's while pedaling furiously. However, she may be unseated by the trannie who came in while I was on the elliptical. I am in Gym Nirvana.
I am actually looking forward to going back to the gym. I haven't had that feeling in a long time. Now, can anyone direct me to a source for good, cheap exercise bras. This is my new necessity.
