Back when I was in college, there was a young woman in my house who insisted on wearing black on V-day. Given that I insisted on wearing black EVERY day (it was the 80s, after all), it didn't bother me so much, but when I thought about her extreme reaction to V-day, it made me wonder why she embraced the hype so much that it caused her to react so violently (see, she DIDN'T wear black every day).
Then, about a month ago, as I sat in a French bistro with my very handsome gay friend, Silver Fox, I was struck by how much he was invested in finding a date for Valentine's Day. He, too, felt that if he didn't have a date for V-Day, it would be a sign of personal failure. So it made me reflect: how come I've never felt this way about Valentine's Day?
Since I was a kid, I've loved Valentine's Day. Even as a greasy-haired, bespectacled, skinny, shy kid, I loved exchanging the cheap store-bought, pre-cut Valentine's cards. Despite the fact that I ran the risk of social suicide by giving a card to the class geek Steven Blum and despite the fact that I fretted over NOT getting cards because I myself would be considered the class geek, I still loved the holiday.
As an adult, regardless of my romantic status, I still enjoyed it. The candy, the red (I love red almost as much as I love black), the LOVE. For me, it is a holiday celebrating love. A holiday solely devoted to love???? Can that even happen? Apparently, not here. Not for everyone. Because somehow, this holiday about love (nevermind it's bloody origins) has become a holiday about neuroses and rejection.
Still, I continue to see it as a Love Holiday. Back when I lived in Oakland with M, we would have parties to celebrate Valentine's Day with our friends. Each year, we had a different theme. I fought for two years to use a Pajama Party theme and M finally agreed our last year living together. It was an amazing success. Turns out, people love to drink in their pajamas.
I continued that tradition after I moved to LaLaLand for 7 more years. The party was always wildly successful and it was fun for all people either single or coupled (or tripled, as in some rare cases). It was a great way to celebrate a holiday which to me meant valuing the people you care about.
Where did I get this healthy attitude? Believe it or not, from my parents. Really. Growing up, my parents celebrated Valentine's Day with us. Every year on V-day, when we came down to the kitchen table, there would be a small heart-shaped box filled with candy and a Valentine's card on our placemats. There was no sense that V-day was only for my parents. We celebrated it as a family holiday.
So here's my gift to you, friends and lovers: Enjoy Valentine's Day. Celebrate it with your lover, your significant other, your children, your family, and especially your friends. We have been given a true gift in our capacity to love, and here is a holiday to celebrate it.
And before you think I've gone all soft and Southern California hippie on you, let me just say this: a few years ago, I arranged a single girls' night for Valentine's Day, knowing that a few of my girlfriends were going through a rough time. We ate our own weights' worth of food at Swingers, then headed to the Laemmle to watch a movie called "Teeth" which got a great review in BUST Magazine. "Teeth" was about a teenaged girl who discovers that she has been cursed with "vagina dentata." I'll let you look that up.
It was a bloody horror movie. I actually didn't hate it, but my friends have not allowed me to pick a movie since.
Oh, and in case you're wondering, I still wear black....a lot.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Celebrate Love!
Celebrate Love!
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