Giant Dwarf: The Origin

So, I’d like to blame someone else for this moniker, but the truth is, it came up one day during a slow day at work, when one of the nurses put her hand up against mine and noted (as if I had never heard it before) that I have the tiniest hands she has ever seen. So I came back with the idea that my hands and feet are dwarf-sized, but I am too tall to be a dwarf, so I guess I am a “Giant Dwarf.” This was accepted heartily by the surrounding staff members and the nurse encouraged me to post it on facebook. I did. I am now the Giant Dwarf.

So the next day, she encouraged me to go by “G.D.” Now, in my business, GD is not a good thing. It means “Gravely Disabled” and it buys you at least a 3 day stay in the koo-koo’s nest. That’s not to say I’ve had moments of grave disability. Certainly, there are several nights of debauchery (mostly in my 20s of course) which could have rendered me G.D., and definitely there are times I should have been put away to keep me from some of the decisions I’ve made. But those would have put me under the criterion of “Danger to Self.”

A year ago, my friend gave me the Bad Girls’ daily calendar. It’s really not very helpful....I’m too old for it now and mostly I use it as scrap paper for telephone messages. However, one day I came across the Bad Girl “Power of Love,” in which you basically assign someone to be your power of attorney in the event you find yourself attracted to the most dangerous man or the most stupid man on earth. It’s a good idea. I’d take it one step further, though. Your friends have the power to put you on a hold. They come to your house and put you on a type of house arrest (maybe this would be better at your girlfriend’s house) for three days, with no contact with the offending object of delusional affection, until you come to your senses. If you are still not in your right mind by the end of the 72 hours, it’s time to apply for a 14 day hold, and your friend posse now has to notify your work and family.

You then follow up with occasional outpatient therapy (bitch sessions with your friends) which includes medication (namely, margaritas) and continue doing so until stabilized (kicking the dating-inappropriate-men behavior to the curb). It should be noted, however, that often people are not cured of this illness and typically require lifelong treatment. It is important for the patient (uh, girlfriend) to have a strong support system.

And that’s another reason why I started this blog. One of my strongest supporters is Miss K and she also made me do this. Well, not really. She’s been encouraging me to write for years, so here’s my shot at (non)literary fame. Personally, I think she’s just sick of picking up my pieces and buying me margaritas.